Pied Emotion

On that day, she had the courage to leave and not look back. It broke my heart, but more than anything else in the world, I valued her peace of mind, her chance at liberation away from the hurricane that is my father.

My father made it a note in his mind to remind us every time he came home wasted that we lived in his home and he'd kick us out if he so wished. I realized that until I make my own, I've never had a home, except my mother's heart. She endured an unhappy marriage probably because traditionally a woman is taught to endure. In her time, a woman's opinion didn't count, and when it did, she found her wings and soared.

So here's a young woman, me, a product of a woman who decided to stay in a marriage where she was emotionally and physically abused. I wish she had left early and never looked back. I wish I never had to go through seeing her hurt, look at her smile after she spent an hour crying away from me. She was protecting me but what she forgot was the hate that brews inside towards the people who hurt the person you love the most, the worst kind of poison.

Even when she left, she didn't tell me why but I knew. She didn't say goodbye because she knew she'd want to stay. She would always look out for me and I know she knew she could only do it if she was alive and sane. I don't hate her for leaving without me.

I stood there in an almost empty house. I wanted to cry so much but I couldn't. I had seen what she had been through and in that moment I related to her feelings as a woman and the little girl in me was no more.

At that moment, I finally understood.